Veče pred Badnjak, s mirisom vanili kiflica
U noći, pred Badnjak, gledam filmove „Prstenovu družinu“ i „Hobite“. Dva najdraža filma koja su moja djeca obožavala. I uvijek smo ih gledali u ovo doba godine. Ta pobjeda malenih uvijek nas je nekako osnažila. I činjenica da su se junaci ipak vratili svojim kućama. Taj osjećaj hrabrosti i pravde nešto je što nas je uvijek držalo budnima, do kasno u noć. Kao čopor mačaka sklupčanih u velikom krevetu, između jastuka i popluna. S tragom čokolade na usnicama i napola popijenim kakaom na noćnim ormarićima. Vanili kiflice za rano jutarnje buđenje, za zgrabiti u hodu, onako kad su još sneni od gledanja filma do kasno u noć…Pa odmah trk pod bor…među poklone…
Ovo će biti moj peti Badnjak bez moje djece. Sama kitim kuću i sama stavljam kuglice. Prva dva Badnjaka, bez njih, doslovce su me ubila. No, na treći sam sama sebi obećala da to tako više neće biti. Nikad…Dobila sam ovaj život od Neba na dar. I na uživanje. Stoga u te dane pečem kolače… i kuham kao da su moja djeca sa mnom. Šijem, radim kreme od mojih prirodnih pripravaka, filcam kuglice od domaće vune i radim ogrlice. I od prošle godine pjevam. Glasno.
Živim punim plućima, onoliko koliko taj dan mogu udahnuti. I mislim na njih s puno ljubavi i radosti. Jer znam da su moji. Bez obzira na sve. Imala sam ih tada. Imam ih i sada. Na drugačiji način…Ljubav je uvijek tu…prisutna…
Na Badnje veče želim svima nama mira…dobrote…i ljubavi…za nas same i za naše najmilije…jer za to smo svi mi rođeni…
…S mojom djecom u mislima i u grudima…
Photo by Pixabay
Elaine Cobb predsjednica je američke udruge Family Access – Fighting for Children’s Rights. Otuđena je mama i otuđena je baka. Svoju unučicu nije vidjela od njezinog prvog dana rođenja. Elaine Cobb svoju je životnu nedaću pretvorila u svoju životnu misiju. Otvorila je web stranicu. Prepunu informacija stručnjaka na temu otuđenja djece od roditelja (i ostalih članova obitelji). Osim te stranice, Elaine organizira mjesečna predavanja s najeminentnijim američkim stručnjacima na temu otuđenja. Više od 1200 ljudi iz 40 zemalja svijeta sluša besplatno ta predavanja. I ja među njima. Elaini sam zahvalna za sav njezin rad, trud i brigu za sve nas. I za nevjerojatnu ljubav i pažnju kojom nas obasipa. Jer zna koliko nam to treba. Pogotovo u ove dane.
Donosim u cijelosti email koji nam je Elaine svima uputila. Ne kako preživjeti Božić. Nego kako mu se radovati…Jer to je smisao života…
I just wanted to take some time this morning to share some personal thoughts with you in regards to the holidays. I am getting so many emails in reference to your struggle at this time. Please understand these are my personal thoughts and feelings. I am not an expert. I am an alienated mom of my only child and an alienated grandmom of my only grandchild who is 9 1/2 years old and we have never met her.
I do understand holidays are difficult. Mine begin in mid-October around the time of my birthday, then my son’s birthday, then Thanksgiving, and then Christmas. I confess to you that this year has been the worst of all the rest combined. Not sure why, it just is.Some days the pain is unbearable to where it even seems hard to breathe. But I must not live there.
I do much decorating for all holidays and seasons, Christmas especially. It was always a special time for my family and is and with Bryan as I raised him. He loves Christmas. We have many traditions and truly enjoy them.
Last year, I could not do our memory tree which is huge and has so many memories on it. I also did not do any of our Snoopy and Charlie Brown things either as those were huge for Bryan. This year, I determined in my mind and heart not to let them control my feelings, mind, and heart. I have put those out and actually did okay doing them. Chester helped with the decorating of the memory tree. I still have to decorate the tree that used to be in Bryan’s bedroom from years ago. The absolute worst time so far in this decorating process was I decided to add some of Bryan’s smaller stuffed animals he had growing up (yes I keep everything even all his school work) under a tree in a bedroom. That nearly did me in. I stepped away, did some registrations again for tonight’s call and then went to bed to start fresh and new the next day.
I normally do not share much about my personal situation as many ask and I try to keep the focus on all of you. I am opening up because I want you to understand you are not alone in this. Literally millions of others are going through this in their own way. It is okay to have brief “pity parties”. It is NOT okay to live there. You are not helping yourself and most importantly your children and grandchildren. You need to stay strong and healthy for them.
Know most importantly you absolutely have the Lord Jesus Christ to turn to. He is always there at all times. The bible says He never leaves us, nor forsakes us. I absolutely know that if I did not have Him, I could not get through this.Trust Him to give you grace and strength. He can and He will.
You deserve to have a happy holiday season even if you can not be with your loved ones. Make lists of things you can do. DO THEM! Focus on happy thoughts of good times in the past. Make your self not dwell on the situation. It helps no one least of all you. Stay busy with things. Lots of virtual things online to do right now. Find those you feel you would enjoy. Spend time with your family you are not alienated from if possible.Know many are praying for you. Pray for others. Remember at the end of our call tonight, I always open the phone lines so everyone can tell each other good night, keep strong, keep the faith, and other things. This is huge for so many and quite an encouragement.
In closing, refuse to be defeated in this. Mental is a big part of your fight. Stay focused, stay determined, and keep looking up. You, your children, and your grandchildren depend on it.
God bless. Know that you are loved very much and you are very special.
For our families,
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